SARAH PALIN WHO?

Sarah Palin. Miss Prissy Pants. The Caribou Barbie. Hockey Mom. Pitbull with lipstick. Pig with Lipstick. Oink. Vice President of the United States?

Lets review. We know she is the Governor of Alaska and she can see Russia from her house. The State of Alaska has 700,000 citizens, more or less (about the same amount of people reside in San Francisco). Before she was governor, she was Mayor of Wasilla, AK, a city of 9,780 people and the meth capital of the state. Additionally, Wasilla has the highest rape count per capita in the United States and that she enacted a law, as Governor, that charged victims of rape with their own rape kit costs (hello?), saving the state thousands of dollars. We know that she said, as Governor, she sold the state jet on Ebay, saving the state thousands of dollars again. Oh, no, wait, that's wrong. That is what she SAID she did but as it turned out, it was sold by a private firm at a loss to the state. Although she has lead everyone into believing she was flying commercial from then on, she actually was utilizing a law enforement turbojet to get her around the state. A 'search and rescue' aircraft that has been shown to be in her command 20% of its logged flight time. She stopped the Bridge to Nowhere from being built, saving the feds millions and millions. No, wait, that's wrong. She stopped the bridge project but kept the money, and then proceeded to allow the construction of the road leading right up to the bridge that isn't there. So now there is, literally, a road to nowhere instead of a bridge to nowhere. Oh, one more thing. The road to nowhere was built with $25 million of Federal funds. She said she never abused her power as Governor. No, wait, that's wrong. After firing the head honcho of the Alaska State Police for NOT firing her sister's mean ex-husband, the TrooperGate report says she DID abuse her power. (You can find the actual report within a previous post on this blog.) But, apparently, Miss Prissy Pants was too busy reading all the magazines and newspapers ever printed (just ask Katie Couric) to actually read the TrooperGate report. Which brings us to Katie Couric. I think its pretty safe to say that the Pitbull with Lipstick will not be sending Ms. Couric a Christmas card for obvious reasons. Ms. Couric, afterall, was picking on Governor Palin during the infamous interviews, right? Miss Prissy Pants also claims to be a reformer. That must explain why she claimed thousands of dollars ($21,000 to be exact) on her Alaska expense report for the travel and hotel expenses of her children, who often travelled free to events they weren't even invited to. Furthermore, she went back later and 'cooked the books' to hide the fact. The actions of a true reformer. We have been assured by all involved that Mrs. Palin, just an average American woman, likes to shop. $150,000.00 in two months. $75,000 alone at Neiman-Marcus. On the GOP's plastic. Now, here is what I'm wondering. We can assume that all those designer outfits, shoes, jewelry, etc., were not bought to impress Joe The Plumber. And I doubt that you are impressed. And I'm not impressed. So, who, exactly, were the recipients of the glow of all that glam and glitter? I'd be willing to bet that there are a few very wealthy supporters of the McCain/Palin ticket who just LOVE her new look. But, oh well, she's giving it all to charity when the race is over. Last, but not least, according to an interview conducted with the Caribou Barbie just this week, she has an uncanny grasp and understanding of her upcoming duties as Vice President of the United States. And, oh, by the way, I have a nice igloo in Alaska I'd like to sell ya.

So the bottom line is that if, by some miracle of miracles, John McCain manages to pull his head out of his ass, not to mention our ass, and win this thing, Miss Prissy Pants could end up being one breath and one heartbeat away from the Presidency. The leader of the free world. I'm just guessing here, but I bet the leaders of the not-so-free parts of the world are already lying prone, saying their daily prayers to their 72 virgins, praying that if McCain becomes President, he soon takes a bigtime header all the way down the west steps of the Capitol. Barring cancer or a stroke, that is. But he is a young 72 and he's only had cancer Jesus only knows how many times. Not to worry. She's ready.